The Unconventional Guru of Conversations: Jefferson Fisher
Skilled Social Media Influencer and Courtroom Advocate Provides Tips on Handling Challenging Discussions
From the humble beginnings of recording videos in his car, Jefferson Fisher catapulted to social media fame by doling out straightforward advice on navigating tricky discussions. His approach struck a chord, offering practical, actionable strategies that anyone could instantly use. Today, millions of followers rely on Fisher for guidance on snuffing out arguments and engaging in more productive conversations. Whether it's navigating heated arguments, dealing with complex personalities, or standing firm with conviction, Fisher's down-to-earth teachings have served as a beacon for people wading through life's choppy waters[1].
In his latest opus, "The Uncharted Conversation," Fisher distills his revolutionary three-step communication method, applicable to any confrontational exchange: communicate with control, communicate with confidence, and communicate to connect. In this exclusive interview, Fisher dissects the inner workings of his communication system and sheds light on his unique insights[2].
"The Keys to the Communication Kingdom:" Unraveling Jefferson's Rules
The three rules Jefferson discusses in his book are integral for conveying your message, whether it's your truth, your story, or your perspective. First, he stresses the importance of saying it with control. This isn't about controlling the other person, but rather, controlling yourself. True strength, says Fisher, manifests when you're grounded in your emotions and reactions.
Second, say it with confidence. Confidence is an internal feeling, and it's all about expressing your needs clearly and assertively, while simultaneously respecting the other person[3]. Lastly, say it to connect. The goal is to handle difficult conversations in a way that leaves both parties feeling understood and in agreement[4].
Tackling Workplace Shimmyshams: Setting Relevant Goals and Values
Imagine a co-worker taking credit for your hard work. What's a tactful way to shine a light on the injustice? First, identify your conversational objectives. Do you seek acknowledgment, or do you hope to communicate your contribution to the team? Next, articulate your values surrounding transparency and trust. Begin the conversation by expressing how these values drive your need for transparency, followed by your disappointment that credit has not been shared[5].
By anchoring your conversation in values, you establish a firm foundation for open and honest dialogue. Furthermore, framing your concerns in terms of shared values can encourage your co-worker to align their behavior[5].
CalmingDown the Tempest: Taming Emotions During a Raging Storm
When emotions run high in a heated conversation, maintaining composure can be challenging. One of Jefferson's favorite tactics is to focus on breathing, clearing your mind, and preventing the fight-or-flight response from taking hold. Another trick is employing the "small talks" technique: simply imagine the other person's words falling to the ground, and choose whether to address them or let them go[6].
The Art of the Counterpoint:standoffishness and Diplomacy
Learning how to tactfully disagree with someone can be tricky, especially when they outrank you. Instead of saying "I disagree," try phrases like "I see things differently" to communicate different perspectives without implying your counterpart is erroneous. When you need to express dissent at higher echelons, adopt collateral damage-minimizing phrases like "I lean a little differently" or "I have a different approach," to maintain a constructive dialogue[7].
Davy Jones' Locker of Difficult Conversations: Delivering Bad News
Navigating awkward conversations, such as when delivering bad news, takes finesse and an empathetic approach. Before diving in, acknowledge the gravity of the conversation and prepare your listener for the forthcoming information by being direct[8]. Avoid starting with small talk, as it can create anxiety. Instead, get straight to the point by stating the unsavory info and give your listener a moment to process. This minimizes anxiety and fosters a more honest exchange.
When met with negative reactions, steer clear of confrontational phrases and instead acknowledge their feelings. For example, instead of saying "Stop yelling at me," deflect the fracas using phrases like "I don't respond to that volume." This tactic diverts attention from the initial issue, focusing instead on respecting your personal boundaries[8]. To ensure emotional outbursts are short-lived, encourage your listener to express themselves by saying, "Tell me more." This approach alleviates pent-up emotions, paving the way for you to articulate your own perspective[8].
[1] Enrichment: Fisher's book, "The Next Conversation: Argue Less, Talk More," delves deeper into his three-part communication system for efficiently solving disputes and cultivating empathy, understanding, and mutual respect[1][3][5].[2] Enrichment: Melody Wilding is an author, coach, and psychotherapist who specializes in empowering individuals and organizations to build confidence and embrace assertiveness[2].[3] Enrichment: Confidence, according to Fisher, is intrinsically linked to assertiveness and is demonstrated by communicating needs clearly but respectfully[3].[4] Enrichment: The ultimate goal of Fisher's communication system is to build connections with others, foster empathy, and achieve mutual understanding[4].[5] Enrichment: When addressing issues like credit theft or other workplace conflicts, Fisher advises anchoring conversations in shared values, such as transparency and trust[5].[6] Enrichment: Jefferson Fisher's "small talks" tactic involves imagining another person's words falling to the ground and choosing whether to address them or let them go. This mental tool helps manage emotions and maintain composure[6].[7] Enrichment: Phrases such as "I lean differently" or "I have a different approach" can help you disagree without offending others or appearing confrontational. By appealing to shared values, these phrases foster constructive dialogue without them becoming overtly argumentative[7].[8] Enrichment: When delivering bad news, Fisher recommends using direct and empathetic language to prepare the other person for the situation. In addition, he urges tactics such as validating their feelings and encouraging them to express their emotions, thus creating a more receptive atmosphere for your message[8].
ForbesWomen featured an interview with Jefferson Fisher, where he asserts the importance of communicating with control, confidence, and to connect in any confrontational exchange as outlined in his book, "The Uncharted Conversation." In the book, Fisher unravels his three rules for conveying one's message, which are especially key when navigating workplace shimmy-shams, calming down tempestuous emotions, delivering bad news, or diplomatically disagreeing with someone.
